Graduation

5/10/24

I’ve left enough places to know that leaving is best done swiftly. Irish exit. I'll try to avoid sentimental goodbyes if I can. Not because I don’t like them, but because they're rarely done right. There's always something more to be said. I was hoping to do a quick cut with Berkeley, but I’ve been looking around more. And I’ll admit I’m a little more emotional than I’d like to be right now.

It’s this in-between feeling. It’s the last day, the last two finals, and all I can wish for is that somehow there’s another one tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. That somehow I forever remain this age, forever with mild heartache and fluctuating levels of self esteem and attachment issues who cries a lot and can't always balance things well.

It’s messy, but right now, right in this moment, I don’t want it to end. I don’t want wisdom or age or experience or a heightened sense of self worth, not right now. I’d like to bask in this naivety. In this 79 degree weather on the 7 bus with a plan of getting a terrible espresso from FSM and worrying about the final on mechanism design or whatever the fuck intro to mathematical economics is at 1130 and then doing the same with the other final on EFFICIENT ALGORITHMS AND INTRACTABLE PROBLEMS at 7 tonight.

Here are some things I'll miss.

All of North Berkeley

Diwali

First apartment. The lady in the apartment below used to blast Backstreet Boys on repeat through the night. Also no hot water unless everyone in the building showers at the same time.

Used to see this Hafiz poem while running. "Start seeing everything as God / But keep it a secret."

Doe

Dead week

Cheeseboard - the only pizza I will forget about my lactose intolerance for

LOTS of memories here. The best pizza is undoubtedly the crushed tomato ricotta red bell pepper one.

This bench

Used to write here sometimes. IT'S A LOG! Just not hollowed out.

Main stacks (mostly the DS section)

Moffit in the morning

Ok I hate this library but IN THE MORNING, it's life-changing. The dull, corporate, harsh-lighting vibe works for getting work done.

Corepower on Shattuck

Strada

GOD ILL MISS STRADA GAH!!

The things people write in the bathrooms

This book box

Got the NYT every morning here for my stash. Also got the Brother's Karamazov and a lot of New Yorker magazines.

This set of stairs

They're secluded and hard to find which make them feel special. Like a gem only you know about. Also brutal while running.

The RSF; my dear, sometimes disgusting, RSF

My email account

Might be the thing I miss the most actually.

Looking at people be. I saw a girl riding her skateboard with her arms flailing down a hill near Grizzly Peak once and she looked like the most free person on the planet. Or how the sun pulls everyone out on the glade. I'll miss how much authencity is unquestionably accepted here.

Cheeseboard in the evening

The glade! in the sun!

Mosaic

The first time the sun came out in a while last fall

This place

All the little pieces - a street sign, a cafe, a table, a step that’s crooked and leans out of the concrete, a locker, an outlet, a painting, a window I always looked at - that come together to form a something close to home. I’ll miss all of those.

FAVA

Campanile

Kabir concert

$3.70 americanos that taste like shit but do the job

trader joes

sunset at the rose garden a few days ago. the best weather. families and couples and pets. so so so special. almost cried.

In 6th grade, I saw my absolute favorite social sciences teacher Gandharvi ma’am in the halls. Something about her, I don’t know what, was magnetic. I wanted to be like her. I wasn’t in her class anymore and told her how I was sad about it. “Change is the spice of life” she said, smiling, and then walked off. I never forgot that. And have been taking her word for it ever since.

But still, the spice can wait to hit. I have all these books I'm hoarding from Main Stacks that I plan on returning next week. I'll take my time with it.

Go bears.